Thursday, February 14, 2013

Best marriage advice I have received ....over the years

(us on our 7 year anniversary, at a diner, re-living our first date at Johnny Rockets)

I have been together with my husband for over 7 years now - 6 years living together, 5 years engaged, and almost 2 years married. Over the years, I have received so much great advice from family and friends regarding relationships, plus a few that I've figured out on my own.
Enjoy & Happy Valentine's Day!


If you/your spouse only had a week to live, what would you do with them or for them? Do it now! (You never know...) Do something nice for your spouse every day. My mum read this in a Will Smith interview and always remembered it. One thing is not a lot to ask, no matter how busy you are. Even if it;s just an "I love you" text.

Divorce is not an option, mentally or financially. When you realize this you will fully be committed to getting through the tough times and not playing the divorce card.

Always sleep in the same bed. Once you start sleeping in another bed, you'll never go back. And then you'll be in separate rooms for 30 years. And try to go to bed together at the same time. The time before bed is very cuddly.

Remember why you got together in the first place. Even when those things irk you. In difficult times, read old love notes or look at pictures.

Your marriage is the first priority. Over work, friends, family, in-laws, school, money, and especially over children. This is non-negotiable.

You don't have to be the same. You are two people who bring their own strengths to a relationship. You're not always going to agree, or do things he same way. And that's fine, because you're not the same people!

Boyfriends aren't your girlfriends. And vice versa. That's why you have girl friends to go out and do girly stiff with.

You do your own thing. He does his own thing. Have lives and interests outside each other. Your spouse is not your WHOLE life. This will take the pressure off them. A great way to nurture your relationship is to actually take care of your own needs, yourself. You were your own person before you got married, and you are still your own person.

Enjoy time together, even if you have problems, don't spend all your time doing "problem talk".

Don't deal with problems you haven't had yet. Even if you notice a pattern, don't try to predict the future. Deal with stuff as it comes up, or else it can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

How a person feels is never wrong. Even if you don't understand why or how. They feel that way. So deal with that, never be dismissive of it.

There is no place for anger, resentment, criticism, blame or control in a relationship. Control yourself! These things can destroy a union and a person.

Don't keep score. You get what you give. Give 100% every time. This is especially true after having children, when the workload increases. If you need help, ask and you shall receive! Treat your spouse the way you would want to be treated. Marriage is not always 50/50. Some days it is 10/90 or 60/40. It varies.

People are not mind-readers. Communicate. But timing is everything. Shut up when you're right, and say it out loud when you're wrong.

Never stop dating. Make a date night just to reconnect. Make time for each other. Even just sitting around, enjoying each others' company. It's about connecting, you don't even have to be talking!

RESPECT. RESPECT. RESPECT. Love and commitment is the most important qualities of a marriage. But respect is equally as important. Respect your spouse and respect yourself. If you don't behave respectfully, your relationship can quickly turn abusive, especially with language. Name calling is just as hurtful as a physical punch.

If you're having a big issue, get a second opinion from someone you trust. Sometimes you can be overreacting. Also ask yourself, " is this still going to be a big deal if I look back on it in 5 years?" It puts things into perspective, objectively. Life is long. If you complain about something, it tends to magnify it.

Be your spouses biggest cheerleader. Support them. Compliment more than you criticize. 


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15 comments

  1. congratulations on such wonderful BLOG!! Awesome

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  2. Replies
    1. thanks! For my bridal shower, my auntie asked all the ladies to write down their best marriage advice. Some had been married for 60 years...I saved them all!

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    2. Love this! Thank you so much <3

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  3. great advice, some i never even thought of before. covers all the bases

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  4. amazing post... its so true... and life will really be pleasant if we follow these...

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Yes, these are the secrets to a happy, healthy union :)

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  5. do you have the problems of staying slim seeing you are married in the indian family…i know they are health conscious???

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    1. I have had problems ``staying slim`` by society's standards because they are completely unrealistic...lol. My Indian family is health conscious as they are constantly commenting on my weight and appearance.

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  6. Thank you for these positive tips! I found your blog as I was looking for some marriage advice/tips and its been a great read :)

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    Replies
    1. I am so glad! :) Thank you for reading!

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Respectful comments only, please! (That means you, anonymous.)

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