Friday, June 7, 2013

ONE YEAR!!!


June 7th, 2013 - 1 year old!


It doesn't seem like long ago when our beautiful daughter came into the world, and blessed us by making us parents. It still seems so fresh in my mind.


It was a looooooong pregnancy, with 7 months of nausea and vomiting (with hospitalization!), carpal tunnel in my wrist, swollen feet, bowling ball pressure on my stomach, constant heartburn, bruised rib from the baby kicking, constant fatigue, and the list goes on...
Maddy's parents were due to arrive that night and we kept checking the flight and it was delayed by 5 hours, arriving at 3am"Get some sleep," I said. "Then go pick them up." He decided to stay up instead to watch Bollywood movies. He made me a grilled cheese sandwich and I went to bed. He tapped me on the shoulder at 2:30am to say he was leaving to pick them up. I drifted back to sleep. It was a nice deep sleep. 
All of a sudden, I felt a huge fire hydrant-like gush come out of me. Did I just pee in the bed? All this water!!! I groggily got out of bed. Water was still gushing out. Ziggy freaked out and ran to the other room. It was 3:30am. Did my water just break?

I phoned Maddy. He was at the baggage claim at the airport. I told him, "I think my water just broke." 
He said, "Oh!!!!" 
I said, "Get home as fast as you can". 
I was scared. "What day is it anyway?" I thought. "June 7th, 2012. Today is her birth day." 
I phoned the midwife next. She was happy, she said labor was starting, but it could still be days from now. I was so anxious. I was just pacing. "What do I do?" I thought. "I'm home alone, with a freaked out dog, and it's the middle of the night!"
I phoned my dad. He was already up at 3:30am and having his first coffee!!! He was excited, he wanted to come over. I said "No, not yet." I waited for Maddy to get home, as I started to feel a slight throb in my back. I was pacing the house, as it was pitch black outside. Maddy came in with his parents half an hour later. He was so anxious. I was terrified. I started to throw up out of nervousness. My tailbone was continually throbbing every few minutes. Is this a contraction? Why is my back hurting?
I had all these plans of what I would do when I was in labour. Take a shower, eat some food. Those plans went out the window! I did not want to eat anything, not even a single Cheerio. And I did not want to go anywhere near water.
I sat on my blue birthing ball, and rock back and forth with every wave of pain. I want Maddy right beside me, I don't even let him eat or go to the bathroom. I'm terrified. Maddy starts to flip out. My father in law starts to get concerned. I can no longer talk. I am just overwhelmed with throbbing pain. I want my dad in the house, I call him over. 
The midwives arrived next, checked me and they said that I was only 2cm dialated. 
"Oh god, I've got a long way to go," I thought. My tailbone feels like it's about to explode. All three of them put pressure on my back for relief. "This sucks," I thought. "I can't take it any more."
Somewhere through the thick fog of pain, I picture meeting my baby and holding her, and the baby coming closer and closer to my arms.

All of a sudden, I get an uncontrollable urge to push. I just start pushing. The midwives are alarmed, "Why is she pushing so early?" They check me again, I'm 10cm dilated. The midwife looks at me very seriously. "We need to get to the hospital NOW!!! Don't push yet, do the horse lips sound."
I hear the midwife on the phone with the hospital, arguing. The maternity ward is packed. They only have one room left.
I want my dad to drive us. Maddy is nervous enough. The ride is so long. I'm pushing every minute. I had to sit sideways, the car seat was in the way. I was so uncomfortable. "Please God", I pray, "Don't let me give birth on the airport road!!!"
We arrive at the hospital, security stops us. Who is this crazy fat lady making horse sounds wearing a nightgown? Richmond hospital has a maternity ward as well as a large mental ward!!! 
"Oh, maternity?" the suspicious guard said."Go right ahead." They get me a wheelchair and I'm sitting sideways on it, screaming at everyone to f***ing move!!! I'm totally pissed.

Finally we get to the room, a large quiet, dark room. So peaceful. Calm. This is where she's going to enter the world.
I keep pushing. I'm sweating. I'm pushing and holding my breath. Why didn't I practice holding my breath? I want Maddy holding me, his head touching my head. I'm grabbing his neck to be close to me. I almost strangled him!
"You're doing great, you're almost there!" the midwives say.
"This is taking forever", I thought. Just when I feel like I'm about to give up, someone shouts "The head, the head! One more push, that's all!"
Suddenly all the pressure is gone. They lift her out and put her on my chest. She looks just like me. Maddy gasps. Maya looks at both of us and lifts her head.
"My baby, my baby, you are so worth it, you are so worth it!!" I cried.

And that is how we met our daughter.


It's hard to imagine what life was like before Maya. She taught us how to love unconditionally. She changed everything. I feel like life has so much more meaning. I feel more. I cry more. I laugh more. I love more. I connect more. 
I feel like I can see clearly. I trust myself more, as a woman and as a mother.

On the day she was born, we were also born, as parents. It is a great honor to be a parent. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not grateful for her. The simple truth is...she makes us better. More patient, more generous, more flexible and more loving.
It feels like we've lived 100 years in this last year, with all we've learned about ourselves and each other. We didn't know how to feed her, or bathe her, or change a diaper. But we knew how to love her, and we learned everything else.
All the little moments - her first smile, first laugh, first roll, first foods, first crawl, first word, first step. It has all been such an adventure. At the end of each long day, I plop myself into bed, exhausted, and get excited about the next day. About how I can't wait to see her the next morning and give her a big kiss.


Thank you Maya. 
It has been amazing getting to know you for the past 365 days. And it's going to be a lot of fun watching you grow up!
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