Thursday, February 12, 2015

"How do YOU function?" Accepting submissions on YOUR intercultural love stories


You know what? I am really tired of turning on the TV and opening up a magazine - only to see white-on-white couples. For those of us who are in intercultural relationships, we are a radical minority. In the USA, only 8.4% of marriages are interracial, and in Canada it is even less at 4.6%.

One of the reasons that I write my blog is to create awareness of intercultural love, since our representation in the media is non-existent. We are such a minority, that we need to represent ourselves if we are to be heard.

I want to convey how we blend our cultures, how we are just like everybody else, and reach out to others' in similar situations. I want to focus on our marriages, our families, and our multicultural lives.

I recently wrote a post, "How can they function with all these cultural differences?" about an unfortunate run-in with a stranger who did not understand my cross-cultural marriage. Now, I want to hear from you guys about how YOU function. How do you blend your dynamic cultures? What are your strengths and struggles? How has your relationship enlightened your life?

I am accepting submissions as a part of a series' to showcase REAL intercultural love. Let's show everybody just how we function!

I am interested in featuring fellow "masala" couples, other intercultural couples (ie. Greek/ Italian, Chinese/Black) and also inter-caste and inter-regional Indian couples (ie. Tamil/Punjabi). In India, inter-regional and inter-caste lovers face just as much discrimination as if they had married a Firangi.

This feature is open to intercultural couples who are married, engaged or in a long-term partnership. I am also interested in featuring intercultural LGBT couples.

Email me at madhmama@gmail.com for more information and a questionnaire, and a chance for your unique love story to be featured on my blog.



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17 comments

  1. Well, first of all my Kashmiri husband & I are an intercultural couple but not an interracial one. (We are both caucasian.)
    Second, despite being from different cultures my husband & I share much the same 'core' values.
    A good example of core values is money, definitely don't marry a 'free spender' if you are 'frugal' with money (and $ is a huge stumbling block for most marriages.)
    It is a bit strange that I find myself sharing more 'core values' with my Indian husband than most of my fellow Americans.
    Anyway some good advice to anyone searching for that perfect long term mate-
    Do a 'value check' with your potential mate & ask the question: Do we believe the same things in life are important?
    Early in the relationship, each of you should write down your basic values or principles in areas like money, children, work, & sex — then share these statements with one another. Because value differences are usually at the heart of so many relationship problems, it’s much better to know them in advance of committing.

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    1. This is so true. My first relationship was a disaster primarily because I plunged into it without even looking at the value system of my ex-bf. We both hit off on some common topics and then took it head. Finally it all hit after 3 years of being in the relationship as I realized that we were having too many arguments and have conflicting opinions on everything that mattered.
      I am a very financially prudent person and my ex-bf had credit bills running into a couple of thousands and worse still he had taken loans from his friends and family too. I knew about his spending but thought that with time he will change but then I realized that he will not and so broke up.
      So yes no matter what race or culture or caste and even with varying tastes and preferences, a relationship will work only if the core values are same for both the people involved.

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    2. Well said Bibi. Absolutely true - and many people from the SAME cultural values have problems with core values. Just because a couple is outwardly different in terms of looks doesn't mean their values don't line up.

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  2. The photo of you and your husband is one of the best ones I have see so far on your blog! You look so good and happy together! Best wishes to you both!

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    1. Awwwww thank you! That was after our small temple wedding, when we entered the house as a married couple for the first time. It was the most happiest day of my life til that date :) The second happiest was when out daughter arrived, 360 days later...

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  3. I think you'll find some great people to profile! I look forward to reading about more couples "like us"

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    1. Hope to keep the series running every Saturday, stay tuned! Have got some really excellent couples to profile!

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  4. I agree a lot with Bibi - commonalities are also found among cultures. We do not consider ourselves an interfaith couple, for example; we both are basically secular humanists, yet not atheists, and our expressions of spirituality are our own personal business. We share a similar worldview, but it's not a 'blend' of stereotypical American/Western hyper-individualism and liberalism vs. stereotypical Indian/Eastern collectivism and conservatism. It's that place in between the stereotypes where people live every day even if not exposed to another culture at all. Sure, there are differences in how we were raised, schooled, disciplined, the languages we spoke, all things that have influenced the way we see the world - but in many ways they've led us to similar places. I don't think we could have found each other if they had not. There are the little things, like the weight of the word "disappointed," that have caused some friction, but we cool off, explain it, and move on.

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    1. Totally agree. We also view religion as a more personal experience - it really doesn't interfere in our relationship because we are both respectful of our unique beliefs, and we also openly participate in each other's faiths too.
      I can totally relate to what you said about the different backgrounds leading you to similar places - I had exactly the same feeling when I met my husband.

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  5. What Bibi said! For any relationships to work, core values are far more important than cultural similarities or differences. Yet, society and media want you to believe that it is impossible to have a functional couple with different cultures. I also very often hear that kids growing in multicultural families are confused. I say as long as the parents aren't confused themselves everything is fine.

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    1. Absolutely....and society/media is so damn superficial!

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  6. Just found your blog via Speaking of Chinaーloved your guest post there and came for more, and am not disappointed! ^^ Will pop an email over about the questionnaire! ^^

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  7. My husband is Chinese and I am Spanish. If that fits what you have in mind for your readers let me know!
    Laura

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    1. Yes, absolutely! What a beautiful blend :)

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  8. Good idea, personally, I like to hear about experiences from other couples in similar situations (Padparadscha)

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    1. It is a great read...I'm really excited about it!

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