Saturday, November 7, 2015

My Intercultural Love: Thomas & Moumita

This smart & stunning couple live in California and are expecting their first child together!

My name is Moumita and my husband is Thomas. I am a Bengali Indian, born and raised in Dibrugarh, Assam, India. My husband, Thomas is from Indiana, USA. We live in San Diego, California. We have been married for 7 and half years. Our first child, a baby girl is due in March 2016!

Three words that describe you
Talkative, Friendly, Silly.

Favorite childhood memory...
Family dinners every night, loving parents and having sisters as my best friends.

Where/how do you feel most inspired?
My hardworking parents & my husband.

Where/how did you meet your spouse?
I was doing my Masters in Salem State University, in Salem, MA. He was stationed in Newport RI. We were friends on MySpace (yup during those MySpace days!) As we were only couple hours away we decided to meet in person and it was love at first sight. Ever since our first date, we have never been apart. Our love grows every day.

How long have you been together?
Almost 8 years (7 years and 8 months).

What qualities do you admire in your spouse?
He is my best friend. He is very loving and patient. He is always there for me. And always knows how to cheer me up. Never fails to say every single morning “Good morning beautiful, I love you”...even if he is mad at me!

Favorite memory together as a couple...
To be honest each and every day with him turn into an amazing memory for me. It’s magical. I still have the biggest crush on him. He is so handsome!

What did you know about your spouse's culture prior to your relationship?
Thomas has been in the Navy for a long time, so he was very well traveled and very open and accepting to every culture, and so am I.

How did you tell your friends/family about your intercultural relationship?
Oh Geez! The very first person to know was my younger sister who happens to be my best friend as well. But I was so scared to tell my dad, thinking that he would be so mad at me. A few months later, I told my older sister and she decided to just tell my dad. She called me and said “Hey I told dad about Thomas and he wants to talk to you right now, so call him”... God only knows how nervous I was making that phone call to India! But my dad was very clam and asked if I was really sure about him. To which I said yes. He said he trusted me and trusted my decision. He gave us his blessing and said he would love to Skype with him someday. But there are still members of our family (one of my uncles) who refuses to even talk to me.

How has your relationship enlightened your life? How has it changed you & your outlook on life?
I have learned so much from being married to this wonderful man. He brings out the best in me as a person. He is such a patient man, so understanding, always goes out of his way to help people, hardworking.

Our relationship has made my life full of happiness. It’s a dream come true. When I first saw him, it was like he walked out of my dreams. I am indeed married to my dream man! Everyday with him is a blessing, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Who proposed and how?
Within weeks of our first meeting, he was on his knees with a ring. I couldn’t think of a single reason to say no. I said “Yes” and that was the best decision of my life.

Describe your wedding...
We had a small court house wedding in the US and then a “Big Fat Indian Wedding” in India. It was amazing. It was in the small town in India where I grew up. It was great for him to experience small town India and see the place I grew up in. And all my extended family. It was an amazing experience.

What does being married mean to you?
Marriage is forever and that’s how I always felt. I am so glad to find out that even Thomas shared the save view as I did. Being married means spending your entire life together, and going through it’s ups and downs with your best friend, with your better half. We totally balance each other in every way possible. We are so different, and so similar at the same time.

What are your dreams for your future together as a married couple?
Welcoming our little girl in March next year, and seeing her grow up. I cannot imagine a single day without my husband. I see us growing old together, a house up in the hills, us sipping our tea and sitting in our rocking chair, thinking about the amazing life we had together and having the same love in our eyes for each other. It might sound dramatic but makes me so happy!

What's the best marital advice that you received from elder family/friends?
Sometimes marriage will seem very hard, and you will feel like giving up. But remember never give up, as this is make your relationship stronger.

What positive cultural values do you bring to your relationship?
Family values and being is a close knit family.

What do you do to keep your relationship alive? What kinds of things do you do to connect with your spouse?
We always have date nights, we cook together, we love to do road trips, snuggling and watching Netflix. We never watch the episode of our favorite TV shows without each other ;)

In what ways have you adopted aspects of your spouse's culture?
Luckily, his family has been very accepting and loving towards me. I love his grandma’s pies, his mom’s chilli, and I love being a part of all the family holidays.

Has your family adopted aspects of your spouse's culture?
A big help is the fact that Thomas loves Indian food, especially the dishes that my mom cooks. A few years ago we were in India during Christmas time, and my Dad made sure we celebrated Christmas because Thomas was there and he didn’t want him to miss out. We both have adopted to each other culture very nicely.

What's the best and the worst part of being in an intercultural relationship?
I don’t think there are any worst parts at all. When you love each other so much, you tend to look beyond culture, skin color or any such differences. It’s just about two individuals being in love and spending their lives together.

What do you think are the biggest misconceptions that people have about intercultural relationships?
I think the biggest misconception is that people think you change your religion or religious beliefs when you marry someone from a different culture. We love and accept each other just the way we are. As long as we respect each other’s culture and customs, I don’t see any reason why there should be any issues regarding the cultural difference.

What are the biggest misconceptions about Indian Women?
That I am an IT person or a doctor!!! Someone one told me, “I heard girls in India are killed when they marry someone from a different culture” Well...I am still alive, aren’t I? I think not all Indian families are as narrow minded or culturally unaccepting as the reputation goes ;)

Have you come across people who disapprove of your intercultural union? If so, how do you deal with them?
Yes I have. One of my uncles - my favorite uncle growing up. He was so against me marrying Thomas that he stopped talking to me altogether. It’s funny, because my grandparents absolutely love Thomas - you would think it’s the older generation that might disapprove. But it was my uncle not my grandparents. Honestly, the way I look at it - it’s his loss for missing out in knowing Thomas and our daughter one day. He could have been happy for us, and instead he chose anger and disapproval.

Take-away advice for other intercultural couples...
Concentrate on the positive aspect, no matter what. Things might get tough, people might be disapproving of you. But remember you are not spending your life with those disapproving or negative people. Instead you are spending an amazing life with your love, with the one who means the world to you. You are already stronger than those negative people because you fell in love and looked passed any cultural differences or color of the skin. So don’t ever let any of those negative people or negative comments come between you and your spouse. Focus on the love and matter what!



  1. Great interview! Seems that there will be always someone disagreeing with multicultural relationships, sad but true :(
    It is wonderful to read how even your grandparents accepted Thomas (they can be a bit traditional at times...), not that we had any troubles with the family except in the beginning some concerns especially by my mother who was worried what would happen once my (back then) girlfriend who do when finished with her studies, possibly moving back to China but all the worries where for nothing

  2. This was my favourite intercultural love story read thus far. Amazing :-). I wish this couple the very best

  3. I jst simply luv it .... Stay blessed :)

  4. I jst simply luv it .... Stay blessed :)

  5. Amazing.....your story's gonna inspire millions of peoples lives...... Have a happy married life and best wishes for your baby girl..... Lots of love for you and your family.....

  6. Amazing story... Stay blessed& may God bless the lil one

  7. Moumita..Love your story and all your advice. ❤

  8. This was a nice interview :)

  9. Lovely story. I lived in Dibrugarh for 2 years in my school years and since then Assam is always my favorite place :)

  10. That's so wonderful and you inspire me because like you, I'm Bengali too and also in love witha guy from the States.
    Only difference? It's long distance all the way from Mumbai to LA.
    Fingers crossed on making this work.


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