Friday, May 13, 2016

Ask Firangi Bahu: "We are astrologically incompatible and will bring bad fortune to the family..."

(Img via Michael Hull)

Sharing a letter from a reader....

"Hi, Alexandra. It's very encouraging to read stories from interracial couples. I would like to ask: did you face problems from an astrology aspect when you decided to tie the knot with your partner?

I'm now facing a major issue because my astrology is mismatched with my Indian boyfriend, on top of the interracial problems. My boyfriend's parents are strong believers in it, and I have no idea how to deal with it. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we have decided to get married. However, our astrology apparently is badly mismatched and we have been told that our marriage is even considered to be impossible.

My boyfriend found it very hard to convince his parents, and now he himself is confused and is torn between his parents and I. His parents are telling us that there will be a lot of unhappiness and problems and will affect the whole family. My boyfriend told me if the effect is on him, he wouldn't have a problem with that...but if it effects the whole family, he finds it hard to do it. Now he is worried the blame will be on us if anything bad happens to them. He is not a strong believer in astrology, but his parents are and they are putting pressure on him. Hope to get your advice on this matter...."


Dear readers, does your Indian family believe heavily in astrology, and how much?
Were you deemed astrologically compatible or incompatible with your partner?
Is there any way to get around this?



  1. Nobody can cause you to be unhappy except yourself. I don't believe in astrology and I don't think you should give up on love because of it. You will be unhappy if you believe in it though. It's like the concept of self fulfilling prophecy. If your boyfriend or you believe in it and choose to get married, every time you have a fight or disagreement, you will start believing that the astrology prediction was right and it will cause major problems in your marriage. So, get married if you don't believe in astrology and you guys will be happy together but don't get married if you believe in it because you will always be blaming yourself every time you have "normal" marriage problems.

  2. :D
    ALL and I mean ALL astrological problems come with a solution tagged along with them. Please ask your boyfriend to check for remedies. A generic remedy is peepal vivah in the north. Here the girl wearing her wedding dress and with with saligram in her hands does 7 parikramas of a peepal tree before her actual narriage. And all the negative vibes are supposed to get transferred to the tree. This was also done when a reliable horoscope of either parties was not available - to negate any chance of misfortune. This is done in consultation with a priest where he tells you the time and exact procedure. My grandmother used to say that if there was any problem, the tree would just dry up. Please check up with some astrologer and he might be able to tell you a simpler solution. Astrology is indicative, nothing is cast in stone. It just tells a probability...
    The theory of karma (on which astrological are made) says the troubles you face in this life are mere reflections of your misdeeds of some past life. We are reborn to reap the results of the good and bad we have done in our past lives. That is said to explain why some people are naturally advantaged and some otherwise. It also works as a potent tool of behavior control of believers :). And coming back to the topic, keep your faith if what you did n lives ago mattrs, what you do today matters mare :) Everything in your life will be just fine.
    Hinduism also says that the most potent force in this world is a woman who is devoted to her husband. Start your new life with joy and may your cup overflow with the bounties of this universe. God bless :)

    1. In the South wearing a special mangalsutra (in the form of Devi) gets rid of any bad luck

  3. 100% Agreed. There isn't an astrological problem without solution. If the family astrologer doesn't have one then find another "stronger, well known" astrologer, preferably outside your family circle who can provide best, cost affective solution for this problem.

  4. Are you sure it's not just an excuse from his family to object to your marriage without admitting they don't agree?

    1. Totally Agree ! Happened to a close friend of mine wherein the Girl's parents used this 'Tactic' to get her to break up !

  5. My husband and I were in the same situation before we got married. His parents went to their astrologer and we're told I would die within 2 years of marrying and would have no children. This August we will be married for 7 years, and our daughter turns 2 next month. We got married without their blessing, but immediately afterwards they gave it to us. My husband says parents try to scare their son and future daughter-in-law because they are scared. We wish you all the best!

  6. Dear readers, does your Indian family believe heavily in astrology, and how much?
    My parents do a little bit but not excessively (my dad more so) but we said we are getting married and that's that. No astrology charts were compared. However, don't people need to know your DOB and time of birth to get the horoscope to compare? How did the guy's parents know all this? I knew that if I gave this data, people will be tempted to match horoscopes and that's one reason I never divulged these details. No data, no horoscope.

    Were you deemed astrologically compatible or incompatible with your partner?
    My dad extrapolated and says that we are compatible but that was after 1 year of marriage. Too late I guess ha ha.

    Is there any way to get around this?
    I believe it has as much power as we give it with our belief. I have seen several cases of high compatibility gone to shit with broken engagements in arranged marriages and similar stuff. If astrology were right, there can be no unhappy marriages in India and that is not the case. So, i do not believe it is the defining factor. At the end of the say, you cannot make him do anything. He has to make the choice and he has to choose you. Don't force him. If not, let him go.

  7. Hi everyone, thanks for the comments and opinion. When my bf told them about us, the parents want for astrology matching. Hence they did it with just my bday but no time or place of birth. Apparently his parents had some bad experiences previously in their family with mismatched horoscope. I partly felt that it is a way of objection to our relationship because they have no intention to meet me or even plan to get my details for further remedies.

    1. To prepare a horoscope exact time and place are required. You can ask your bf to check this with anybody who has a basic knowledge of astrology. My cousin and i were born 12 hours apart on the same day and have very different horoscopes. There are no generic horoscopes for any one day. And moreover astrology is indicative not predictive. That means interpretations have a probability attached to them. And that probability is never 1. They are not carved in stone. And there is a remedy for all problems regarding horoscopes. Your bf needs to dig in further to figure this out. Your best bet would be to ask a trusted friend to get your horoscopes matched. First your bf needs to be convinced that this is in all probability an imaginary problem. I am a middle aged brahmin woman with a fairly large extended family and i'm hearing of "whole family will be effected" for the first time. The pressure tactics here is to make sure that the marriage does not happen and in case it does, send the son on a guilt trip every time anything goes wrong. And life being life, things go wrong with everybody. On a lighter note will the family dog also be affected :P
      If you have any indian friends who are not relatives of your bf you can ask them for help. If you manage to convince your bf, your job is done. And lastly Ram and Sita had perfectly matched horoscopes - but who wants to emulate their married life? If horoscope was everything all indians would have perfect marriages. Is that so? Fortune favors the brave...

  8. I would get a second opinion on the horoscope. How do you know that your boyfriend's parents did not 'pay' to have the horoscope meet their preferences? Also as someone mentioned above, your time and place of birth were not used.

  9. Part 1:
    So sorry to hear that you’ve encountered this issue after so many years together and in preparation for marriage.

    Seeing your post, I thought to share some of my experience, as my husband is from a Brahman family with a long line of astrologers and has been learning it himself for several years now. He reads charts only for friends and family and of course, never charges for that. Before meeting him, I was very skeptical of all that. However, early on he read my chart, and later for all of my family with amazing accuracy. All of his predictions have been spot on….this has really changed my entire view not only on astrology, but on life and destiny as well! It helped to explain a lot about life, why things happen the way they do, why people are the way they are, etc.… It is important to note that we are talking about Vedic astrology, an ancient practice based on precise mathematics and pretty remarkable observations of celestial bodies, not these nonsense horoscopes that appear in the newspapers.

    Unfortunately, as you may know, the majority of astrologers in India today charge exorbitant fees and are downright frauds! They unfortunately promote a very poor view of astrology and encourage misconceptions about it being based in superstition and falsehood. Even good honest astrologers can sometimes make mistakes with predictions and compatibility readings. However, although the astrologer can make mistakes, the true astrology will never lie. It represents exactly as it is: past, present, and future. It only needs to be interpreted properly. Clairvoyant and psychic people have some innate ability to intuitively sense the energies of your horoscope, and thus this is how “fortune tellers” can tell you about your life.

    I don’t know the details of your situation, but it is possible that the family could be using some erroneous compatibility reading as “evidence” simply because they don’t want him to marry a foreigner. If you are looking into the chart synastry, it should definitely be by a competent and thorough astrologer that does not have connection with the family.

    By “thorough astrologer” I mean one that will evaluate the synastry between your charts holistically. Many astrologers that help with arranged marriages these days get lazy and look only at the placement of moon and the nakshatra. These are definitely two of the most critical elements for establishing a baseline compatibility, however there is so much more to it! All aspects should be evaluated.

  10. Part 2:
    Also ensure that both of your birth timings are completely accurate. Just being off by an hour can change angles and aspects, and thus that chart will not be accurate.
    Several of my husband’s friends have been in a similar situation to you. They asked him to look at the chart and give advice. What he has found, is that when he sees incompatibility, the person already is feeling that in the relationship and somewhere inside senses it. This can apply in any area of life, but especially in relationships. Over time, areas of incompatibility can already be felt—be totally honest between the two of you about anything and everything. Also, every couple has different expectations, and no couple is perfectly compatible. Everyone has their own parameters about what is acceptable in the relationship, thus, it is possible for a couple to be married their whole life despite certain incompatibilities in the charts.

    After having two past relationships, one downright unhealthy and bad and the other temporarily good, but ultimately incompatible, I have experienced this first hand. When I met my current husband, it was some kind of incredible force drawing us together. It’s hard to explain in worlds, but this relationship has been one of the best things that has happened to me in this life, and the astrology has shown exactly what we have experienced—even down to when and how we met, and the length of time we were long distance.

    Now regarding the “unhappiness and problems” in his family: Without seeing the chart, it is impossible to tell what kind of “unhappiness and problems” is represented or if this is something they are completely fabricating. “Bad Fortune” can mean being the center of neighborhood gossip and disapproval. It depends from which planets and houses this supposed bad fortune is being indicated in the horoscope. If they are staunchly opposed to a foreigner in the family, then the problems will likely be their own drama! Their egos can create “unhappiness and problems” within the family via silly arguments etc.….the usual Indian family dramas. In that case, it happens to all of us :-P

    In this material world, no relationship is perfect. Every couple will have ups and downs. In conclusion, I’ll leave you with one of my favorite sayings: Follow your heart, but take your brain.
    You will intuitively feel what the astrology truly shows.

    Sorry for the long-winded response! Astrology particular interest of mine; I hope it was helpful in some way. Remember whatever happens, God will take care and everything is ultimately for good. :-)
    My best wishes for both of you <3

  11. I just saw your comment that mentioned they did not use any time or place of birth! This reads totally fraudulent. It’s not possible to have an accurate chart, never mind valid predictions without the proper timing.

  12. Hi everyone , thanks for the constructive suggestions n value opinions. Actually all you guys have mentioned I would have thought about it and try to reason to my bf. However, despite how logical or objective that I tried to reason out or explain my thoughts on this matters to him, somehow due to I'm the involved person, hence it sort of become bias. Although it is almost exactly what u all have mentioned. The problem there is no third party to point it out to him. I thought of checking the astrology myself, not for the sake of believing but if doing any form of remedies would help to ease or bring peace of mind to the family, I wouldn't mind doing it as it cause no harm. However, I don't know where to find the so call truth worthy n sincere astrology as I'm a foreigner.

    1. Do you have any common friends from the same community as your bf who would root for relationship? You could simply tell them that your horoscopes were matched and the prediction was very frightening. Ask them if something can be done. Some puja, some ritual to make it better. Coax them into getting a reading done for you and your bf in india. When they get back to you with the reading, get your bf in the loop and gently put the result forward. You have to sow the seeds of doubt in horoscope in his mind. I'm sorry it sounds sneaky but with sneaky people, there is no other way, particularly in your situation.
      Do you know of people in his family who have an unhappy marriage, ask whether they got their horoscopes matched. If matching happens, they should be perfectly happy. But nobody is so.
      And whatever happens, happens for the best. If your bf is so easily manipulated, how do you think your married life would be? How much blackmail and interference would there be on a day to day basis. The parents are not clean. This is a ploy to end the relationship putting the blame on you and still being in the good books of the son. They will maintain good relationship with the son, get him to do all they want him to do, create and maintain dependency on them for all big and small things. And after marriage this drama will get worse not better. I would also say that you should think long and hard on the consequences of marrying your bf. How probable is it that he would stand next to you when the going gets tough? A marriage is for keeps and all couples face tough times in their lives. Why is your bf not taking any efforts to salvage this relationship? He is as much a part of this as you and should have some investment in it.
      Finally no matter what the astrological reading says, you decide what you want from your life. As someone rightly said here - follow your heart but take your brain.

  13. No worries about the lengthy comments. It is really soothing and heartwarming to have a sincere input from all you despite not knowing me at all. I really appreciate the effort of spending time to stop by.

  14. My ex bf (Canadian, came here at age 3 from Tamil Nadu) and I had troubles in our chart, apparently. We also had troubles in our (western?) astrological chart (Sagittarius Taurus). Basically it said our life was to be difficult but we could stick it out if we tried very hard and were willing to make sacrifices. My ex's parents loved me and said that the astrology was only for arranged marriages and that for love marriages it doesn't matter. They looked uncomfortable and were looking at each other nervously so I think they just didn't want to upset me. I believe both he and I were codependent from things that had happened to us before getting together and I don't blame the astrology. We had a very painful split up as we lived together etc..
    Months later I met a man I became very close with emotionally online (not a dating site). He lives in India. Our astrological signs were absolutely perfect. Could not be better, very harmonious, friendship strong, adventure strong. I was thrilled.
    Then I found out we are not meant to be together.. because I recently learned he is married >:(

    So long story short, your success is more about your relationship with yourself, your past and present relationships and what you're willing to work on. I truly feel that both of these men were partners from past lives and I got confused in this life. But that's just me...
    Thanks for letting me share, this has been cathartic!
    On a hopefully more helpful note, I have heard that astrology problems can certainly be remedied.. and there are books written on how couples who are very different can get along wonderfully and have a very interesting life.
    Best of luck!

  15. There is no such thing as an astrology chart without exact time of birth. Tell your boyfriend.

  16. I think you should not believe this astrology crap at all. I bet if you show your astrology charts to a different astrologer, he will say exactly the polar opposite. There are many in India who do not believe this thing. I also had an experience with this and the astrologer is my very near related uncle. I could not get satisfactory answer out of him. You should make sure that his parents are not using the astrology reason to break your marriage apart because Indian parents tend to do that. If they are not doing it so, you should tell them, including your fiancee that you want to marry him without any objections. If any of them disagree you should move on.

  17. i say find a new astrologer.


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