Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Ever-changing Motherhood

One of the things people tell you as a parent is that as soon as you get comfortable in a new phase (or routine) with your children, something changes. That's why you have to be so flexible with your parenting methods and overall outlook - because life with kids is consistently changing. Once you feel you know what you're doing, your world will be turned upside down! But what people don't tell you is that motherhood (or fatherhood) keeps changing as well. 

Sometimes you will feel so stressed out that you think you simply can't handle another day, and other times you will feel so happy and your heart will feel so full. Sometimes motherhood brings about different changes or priorities in oneself - sometimes you just want to be home with your kids, and other times you can't wait to get out of the house and do your own thing.

I have gone between both. When I was pregnant with Maya, I was so ill that I physically couldn't work. By the time she was 3 months old, I was ready to do something for myself again so I started my blog, which unknowingly became a huge job. I returned back to work part-time when my daughter was a little over a year old - very sparingly. When toddlerhood became too much for me to handle, I found ways to work more. My writing passion took me down other roads too - eventually I was engrossed not only in my blog, but my Etsy shop, working on my book, on top of working in our store part-time. Up until my daughter started preschool, there were a LOT of late nights and early mornings as I tried to take care of my daughter as much as possible, and work on my own projects. I don't think I got more than 5 hours of sleep until she was 2.5 years old. After she started school, I used each minute to work, and I worked hard with my new found time. If I needed more time to finish my projects, I would arrange for husband-ji or my mum or our babysitter to watch Maya for a few extra hours per week - and I did not feel guilty about it. In many ways, I was a stay-at-home mom with a double life - when I was with my daughter, I was really there; but when she would go to school or do another activity - then I had time to cram in my passions. And boy, did I cram it in. Every minute was put to good use. It was kinda crazy.

Now things have come full circle again - now I'm fully a stay-at-home mom again - by choice. I do not want to work at all. I don't think I ever thought I'd say that again. But ever since I got pregnant, everything has just slowed down. There's not such a rush about everything. I'm trying to spend as much time with my daughter as possible while she's still an only child. At night, I'm reading a book and going to bed early, instead of staying up late and working on my projects. It's not that I don't have any ideas - I have soooooo many - but right now I just don't feel the rush to pump them all out. I'm not thinking about the past or the future - I'm just enjoying the moment as it is. Maybe it's the baby's personality coming through - if so, this baby has a very relaxed Hawaiian vibe!

I'm sure I will feel different after the baby arrives - or maybe I won't. But one thing's for sure: motherhood keeps changing...for me, at least!


What about you, dear readers?
Does motherhood/fatherhood keep changing for you?
Have there been times where you wanted to work more or less?


  1. (Edit: Sorry, I hope I don't seem crazy for posting such a long thing here, but just had a lot of free time :))

    Alex, this might sound a little off (or not, depends on your interest or beliefs!), but I study astrology as a hobby and in my opinion what you said about the 'baby coming through' is probably spot on! I think this is because during pregnancy, the latent personality of the unborn soul begins to really fuse with the mother's so she can attune to how best to care for the child as he/she develops. I was going to ask you, when you were pregnant with Maya, did you notice any cravings or attitudes/beliefs developing, that you didn't usually have? And if so, does Maya exhibit some or all of those now? That might be your answer.

    In any case, you said the baby has a 'relaxed, Hawaiian vibe,' which to me sounds either very Taurus- or Libra- like. Both of these are ruled by Venus, which is all about relaxation and pleasure. The differences are that Libra is more about relaxed communication, grace/charm and interpersonal relationships with others, while Taurus is concerned with the soul relaxing into itself, deeply (sometimes stubbornly!) rooting itself into its sphere of enjoyment and sensuality. If I am not mistaken (I just looked through some past posts of yours) you are a Libra and husbandji is a Taurus, so that pairing has a doubly-venusian influence! And yet the way you experience it is fundamentally different- though you can understand that difference on its own level.

    I get the feeling that the 'Hawaiian' vibe is more Taurus; in my opinion, (not to stereotype too much, but) a lot of the Polynesian cultures are quite Taurean in their approach to life, and they even tend to look Taurean (sturdy yet soft features, thick-boned (NOT necessarily fat, there's a difference!), very land and nature-conscious). So there's a chance this baby may be either born a Taurus or has a strong Taurus influence.

    I also believe that every child coming in to a family has a majority karmic connection with a parent - sometimes it is with both, but I think one parent usually has a stronger tie to the child than the other (this doesn't mean the love is any less with the other parent, but just that they've had more karmic 'attunement' with one). I think you can tell who this parent is, based on who the child looks like more. In a lot of families you'll see one child who looks much more like one parent than the other, and a second child looks like the other parent. This is especially true if the parents generally know they will only have 1 or 2 kids; for two kids, usually each kid is karmically-similar to a specific parent, so that each parent can bring a fulfillment to any karmic lessons and help the child's soul grow. There is also a balance issue; if two kids are both karmically tied to only one parent (sometimes it does happen), it is usually for a very important or urgent reason, because the other parent didn't have a chance to bring forth a karmic 'relative' to support as equally as the first parent. Typically there is more balance in that regard, to balance the family karmic energy.


  2. That's why sometimes, siblings can seem completely different from each other- they probably are not karmically attached to each other from a past life, but rather to a particular parent in this one, although it does give them a great chance to grow and form new relationships. So if Maya seems a lot more like you (or gets along better with you) than your husband, she is more karmically tied to you, and there's a good chance the baby will be more like husbandji than you. And as Maya seems to look quite a bit like you, this baby might look more like him. Again, this is assuming there isn't some urgent karmic repaying you need to do to this soul (only you can know that in your conscience), which would tie him to you instead of husbandji. This is somewhat of a speculation, but I think it's sure possible. In any case, it seems like you can look forward to a balanced family; Maya seems quite active and full of energy and friendliness - perhaps this baby will be more calm, peaceful and self-contained, offering a rooting influence for her, someone whom she can feel grounded with. I suppose you'll see soon!

    Anyway, sorry for the long post. But that 'hawaiian vibe' thing was interesting to consider, for me anyway:) Happy pregnancy!


  3. Meh, work is overrated.
    Love those photos of you and Maya!

  4. Beautiful photo and so lovely to read your post!

  5. Baby T had a hawaïan vibe too. Getting plenty of sleep while you can is the wisest thing you can do. - Pad

  6. It's probably just her body telling her to slow down to cope with the physical changes of pregnancy I wouldn't over think it and both kids can be like both parents or the same time and have a bond with both parents at the same time. Everything is not meant to be a competitive sport.

  7. I think you hit upon something that is SO true but little talked about. Everyone always focuses on how much the kiddos change but no one remembers to tell you how much you will change as a parent. What I think is so awesome is how much we change as parents. I know personally I am a much different mother to my son now than when he was first born. Likewise, I am a different mother for my daughter than I was for my son when he was first born. Who we are as a parent and how we approach parenting is affected by so many different things, but we just often overlook them or become too wrapped up in life to take a step back and observe. Congratulations on the coming little one. I wouldn't worry one bit about not having the urge to get everything done or to act on every idea. Be in the present and be satisfied with what you are doing and you are doing enough :) You rock mama! :)


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