Ask Firangi Bahu

Firangi Bahu (as I like to affectionately call myself) is Hindi for "Foreign Daughter-in-law".
Being a part of an Indian family for nearly a decade, I have ridden the ups and downs that is the intercultural tidal wave. I am happy to give advice on anything and everything regarding Indian traditions and Indian family dynamics, to my best knowledge.

Email me at and I may select your question to be answered by myself AND my many readers. Please note if you would like the question to be published or if you want it confidential. Sometimes I may also choose to publish public comments if they deserve their own post.

(Note: Your name or information will always be kept confidential)

*Please note that I am currently receiving high volumes of help letters, so the ones that wish to be published publicly will get priority*

Ask Firangi Bahu series runs every Friday.

शुभ कामनाएँ!

Archive of Reader Questions Published


  1. Hi Alexandra,

    Found the blog this morning, and have literally spent most of my day reading your posts because its so interesting and well written. You talk so much about your MIL and I think the relationship you have managed to develop is great. I think it would be fascinating to hear about your relationship with your FIL with a post dedicated to it. My bf is white, I'm British Indian, and although my parents are very accepting of our relationship I think my mum is so much more welcoming than my dad. It would be really interesting to know if your FIL is the same, and how you've managed to overcome the issues. I would really like my bf and my dad to develop a close relationship in time.


    (I'm totally happy for this question to be published)

  2. Hi Alexandra ,

    I am an Indian tech guy working in the US .I am totally in love with an American girl whom I met in a recent meetup group. We talk together a lot , but I am not sure what should be the polite and gentle way of asking her out. I am not even sure if she has a boy friend. Please guide me.Thanks for your help.

    1. I would really try to be a gentleman about it. I'm assuming that you're friends? You can ask her in a conversation if she has a boyfriend at the moment. If she does not, you can say something like "Well that's surprising because I think you're an incredible person". Also please avoid giving compliments about her outward appearance - this is creepy. You can say something like "you have beautiful eyes" or "I think you're a smart woman", or "you have a great sense of humour". Generally letting her know that you're attracted to her mind and soul. Attraction to the physical body lets women know that it could be impermanence, or it gives us a fear like "If I get old and gain weight will he still love me?"
      You can phone her or text her, ask her how she's doing. If she is responsive, she may be interested. If she is not responding, then keep your distance. I think the best way is to be direct - and ask her "Hey, if you're interested I really want to see this film (or try this restaurant). Do you want to come with me?" Let me know how that goes. Best of luck :)))))

    2. There is nothing wrong with asking a question of an American girl. Just say, I'm curious do you have a boyfriend? If not would you like to do something together sometime? If she says yes I do have a boyfriend. You could reply by saying, OK I don't wish to disrespect that relationship but is it going good because you've never mentioned him.
      Good luck.

  3. Hi Alexandra,

    Please go through this speech by Swaminathan Gurumurthy, one of the person who opened the whole 2G scandal. He is an awesome economist. Its about Indian feminism, and you might get another view about the idea of India

  4. Hi Alexandra,

    Thank you sooooo much for your blog!!! It is hard to find blogs that talk more about Indian culture and that are honest. I am African American and my husband is Sri Lankan and it has been an interesting journey! There are many similarities between Indian and Sri Lankan culture, and my challenge now is how to appreciate my mother in law that is staying with us for 6 months (on vacation, a long vacation)... I am looking forward to reading more of your posts. I wish you and your lovely family the best : )

  5. Hi,
    I am an indian dating a single mother here, don't know how to tell my parents about it. any advise will be appreciated as I would love to get it out.

  6. I have read your general suggestions for appropriate gifts for foreigners, but in this case it's a bit different.

    I have 2 friends that are invited to a traditional Hindu wedding. Invited by one set of Parents who are wealthy.

    They are searching (have been searching for weeks) for advice and suggestions of what is appropriate for a present (money or gift 🎁) If money how much is appropriate for 2, if gift what type and approximate value.

    It's a 3 day event in the USA and they have been invited to stay at the Hotel without cost by the parents they are friends with.

    Furthermore, they are also invited for a 3 day wedding event in Delhi. Hotel without cost for 3 days.

    The friends are a couple and will be staying in 1 Room.

    Is an Antique, for example a Silver Tea serving Kettle from 18th Century be appropriate? (obviously used but in mint condition)

    If you are able to, please advise ASAP.

    The first events start in the USA very soon.

    Thank you in advance for any recommendations/advice.

  7. Hi Alexandra,
    I am getting ready for my wedding next year and I need to find a Blue Lehenga Choli for my ceremony but there are no places around me only online stores. I have only $400.00 for the outfit (Not jewellery or mendhi) but all the websites I found all have the same pictures and different prices. Do you have any websites you use to by your Indian clothes? If so can you please share? My wedding is in about a year and I want to be the most beautiful bride anyone in Washington has ever seen.

    Please help,

    Lyric (

    1. Hello there, not sure how far along you are in your wedding planning. I am an Indian gal from Hyderabad (same place as Alexandra) and so know quite a lot about Lehanga Choli. Here are few websites for options:

  8. Hi Iam with an indian boy I will like to know how to know if he has an arrangement with indian girl what should I do ? He says he loves me and wants to marry me but I am afraid he lies in all this situation should I go away from him now that I have still time HELP

    1. Erika i think we are in the same situation.

  9. Hi, i have been chatting with an indian boy and was really a good person. We were really happy. He was so sweet and thoughtful. He made a lot of promises and always told me he loves me. It's been several months now that i felt he was changing. He seldom chat and reply to me. He always told me he was busy. Time is always a problem to us. I am very transparent with my feelings for him but i feel he never values them anymore. What should i do?

  10. Hi, i have an indian chatmate for almost a year now. I don't know what relationship we have but we are like typical couple every time we chat or talk. He was really a food person and i learned to love him. He made a lot of promises and i believed him, trusted him and wished he would do all of them. But lately, we seldom chat. He didn't even cared to reply. When he would, he would always say he was busy. But i could see him posting new status. Time has been a problem to us. I am a filipina by the way. Before i always told him how upset i was if we would not chat. But lately, i felt tired of it because he would not even care about me. Was he really busy or he was just ignoring me a reason. But i never did anything that would make him mad at me. Please help me. What should i do? I really love him and i don't want to lose him. Unless he doesn't want me anymore. I just need to know so i can let him go.

  11. Erika, i think we are in the same situation

  12. Hi i am from uk Do you have whatsapp
    I need to talk

  13. hi alexandra..
    i just literally fell in love with ur blog..u are blessed with a super cool family....especially ur 2 lil kutty chutties are damn cute...
    i just experienced an unexpressable joy and happiness while reading ur blog(as if i have married my man of love).
    to be frank....i'm love with a man who is of another religion whereas my family is completely orthodox ...i also striving hard to meet both ends....when i read ur happy family story i literally cried


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